Cry baby

Today I feel like crying. I don't know why, I really wonder why though. But I can't focus my mind to solve the puzzle. Maybe is just that this house is crouded with shouts. Or maybe is because today's just not my day.
I had very bad dreams. Nightmares. Not the scary ones, if not the ones that make you feel dizzy and confused.
I don't want to dream those things anymore. Please, I beg. I don't want to remember that so well. Why? Just why I can remeber that perfectly and not other things I like more? Why reading sad manga's make me feel worse?
Of course, I shouldn't be reading that kind of thing but, I just felt like it.
Oh, yes, I hadn't sleep at all last night, and now I'm here waiting for my beloved one to have some free time. He won't. He is really bussy and I'm only disturbing him whenever I can.
I'm a very very bad girlfriend. Even though I love him more than anything I can't help him with a thing.
I suck. I really do. And I'm still in my needs to cry. I feel like doing it. Right now. And I have no tears.
I need his embrance. I need his arms. His skin. His smell.
The heat of his body in this hot wheater. His skin touching mine.
I don't mind if he is sleeping. I don't mind a thing, but I just need him right next to me.
I keep on writing about him. I feel so ashamed when I faced the truth a few days ago. I really feel in my heart that he should had been the one. But my stupidity, my blindness, didn't let me see properly. Wait. I've spent so much time with someone who didn't deserve the poor love I gave him. And that's why I can't put in order my dreams. Because I still feel sorry for what I did, because I was a very bad person.
My love, my dear, I wish I could be what you really deserve, what you need. I'll do everything for you.
Ask for my life. If you need it, I'll be glad to die in your hands. Or just because of your needs.
Oh love of mine. Little lovely love. My love. Mine.
Came here, come now. I need you beside me. Now.
NOW.
Don't let me cry. Help me feel better just once again. I know is my fault but please! I beg you! I'm spoiled, and egoistic. But I need YOU. Don't let me feel disgraced.
Please...


With tears in my soul and love for you...


Hika ♥


(Desperately disgraced)